I’ve declared this summer as the “Summer of Courage” and in honor of this I’ve decided to take a Stand-Up Comedy class, put on my first workshop and… the scariest of them all—sign up for a dating service. You know, one of those elite services that set “busy professionals” up with each other. I haven’t had any luck finding a man on my own, and I’m not a fan of on-line dating sites so I thought, “What do I have to lose?”
There was the initial consultation – What do you like to eat? Do you ski? Rollerblade? Hike? I wasn’t sure how this criteria was going to help find my soulmate – but I went along with it. Then it got personal: Age, Height, Weight… Bra Size? Okay, I’m kidding on the bra size – but seriously, she may as well have asked me that!
I know things like age and weight are important in a “general sense” – but she was sitting right next to me. She could see that I’m physically fit, of average height and my basic “round about” age. Why does this exact information need to be imprinted on my permanent dating file??
I reluctantly gave her my dimensions – minus the bra size — and the moment I said I was 39, I could see her face drop. “What? Is there a problem?” “No. All good. But when you recommend friends to our service, make sure they’re either your age or younger. Definitely NOT older than you.”
OMG! When did I suddenly become “too old” to date? Apparently 39 isn’t the new 29 – it’s the new “you’re too old to date any eligible bachelors– especially is they want kids. Because let’s face it – you’re all dried up and who wants that???”
Now I have a tendency to date older men. My ex-husband (yes, I’m SO old I have an EX-husband) was 12 years older than me, so I’m used to being the “young one.” Not anymore, I suddenly learned! My question is: When did it become okay for men to pass on women 12 years younger and move on down to 22 years younger? Who are these men and more importantly, who do they think they are?
This experience got me thinking about age in general. In terms of the soul – we’re all ageless, timeless, spiritual beings “visiting” Earth to learn our lessons. As our bodies “age,” assuming we are learning the lessons our soul set out to learn in this lifetime, our souls only get wiser. So if this is true – and like a fine wine, we only get better with age, why is our culture so obsessed with the fountain of youth?
My guess is that as we age, we like to surround ourselves with young people because they make us “feel” younger. But if we’re so obsessed with appearances and we search for our mate using this criteria — then we’re searching for a mate using our ego – not our authentic self. It’s no wonder there are so many ill-matched relationships out there!
The dating service girl asked me to search through a bunch of photos like I was picking out lawn furniture. I can’t pick my soulmate out of catalogue! “Oh, wait. He’s cute—but he’s 40 and 5’10”. Sorry, I only date guys exactly my age and not shorter than six feet.” Come on!
Even though I wanted to run out of her office screaming — for more reasons than I can say — I decided to stick it out. I told her to pick some guys that she thought I would like (God help me!) and we’d go from there. Then I said a prayer to my angels and spirit guides to make her pick the right guy for me. There – let the Universe be my matchmaker — with the help of a dating service, of course.
As I left the office, I couldn’t help but wonder… What happens if I haven’t been “matched” up before I turn 40 in six months? Is she gonna show me the door, hand me my AARP card and say, “Thanks for playin’. Game over, old lady!” I’ll have you know, Miss Young Thang—that my last serious boyfriend was 13 years younger than me and he certainly did not have a problem with my age. Of course, I was labeled a “cougar.” I think old men came up with that term to try to make us women feel bad about ourselves because they didn’t like us playing their game.” Well, I say, game on!
As I got to my car, the dating service girl called out the window, “Can you email me a full body picture of you? You have a nice figure, we should show it off!” We should show it off? Oh, dear. Let the “Summer of Courage” begin!
With Love, For the highest good…
xo, Christy Jacobs
Sweet story Christy! I met the love of my life on match.com at 48 and married him at 50! You are never to old to date and have fun! I hope you have a blast dating!!
You don’t get an AARP card when you turn 40. That joyful piece of mail won’t arrive for another 10 or so years. Along with a discount coupon for a walker (yellow tennis balls not included). Dot com.
I know too many of my friends who are in their 50’s who have been successful with dating services. Three of those friends are married to the person they are matched with. Maybe it’s the particular service that is only focusing on the young set. Good luck and take a bite out of life. You’ll know when you are ready!