As I sat in the elegant dining room of a professional matchmaker, leafing through photos of men who “might be perfect for me” I couldn’t help but think: Am I really ready for a new relationship? Intellectually, I said “yes!” bring it on. I deserve happiness. I deserve to have a partner to travel with through this complicated, winding road of life.
But listening to the matchmaker go on and on about this guy and that guy, I couldn’t help but notice my stomach doing flip-flops. I wanted to run away. “Nope. I changed me mind. I’m NOT ready for this. I can’t do this.”
But wait a minute– this is what I wanted. This is what I keep talking about. This is what I’ve been asking for– the perfect relationship with a man who will love and support me. So why does the idea of it make me want to throw up? What is wrong with me?
The answer of course is: nothing is wrong with me. But getting into a real, healthy relationship seemed foreign to me. It took me out of my comfort zone. Frankly, it scared the crap out of me. I was USED to being alone. I had gotten comfortable with my loneliness. I had gotten comfortable with my freedom, my space, my life ALONE. What would happen if all my dreams came true and I actually GOT what I was asking for? Which begs the real question…
Are we afraid to manifest the very things we ask for?
After speaking to others about this, there seems to be a theme here– and when you break it down to the core, the underlying feeling is FEAR.
What if I achieved all the success I’ve been working towards, landed my dream job, found the perfect mate—what would happen to my life? Believe it or not, these fears actually inhibit us from achieving success.
Many of us stay in jobs or relationships way past their expiration date for fear of what’s on the other side. So while we beg the Universe to send us something better – we cling to the “comfortable” even if the comfortable is keeping us stuck or even worse, killing us inside.
It’s important to remember that as you grow both emotionally and spiritually, your old job or relationship may not vibrationally match you anymore. You may have learned all the lessons you were supposed to learn with that relationship or job and it’s time to learn new lessons. As you continue to raise your vibration, you attract events, relationships, and jobs that are on the same vibration as you. For example: you may have chosen a job solely for the purpose of making money and felt okay with the ethics of the company who employed you. But maybe now you want to follow your heart’s desire and commit to a career of service. Because of this shift, your old job may not vibrationally match you anymore. That’s not to say that your previous intentions were bad or wrong – they just aren’t in alignment with who you are today. Therefore, a change is needed. And with change, oftentimes the big, bad, scary FEAR rears its ugly head.
But it’s not just fear of change that holds us back. Oftentimes it’s fear of success. This idea used to sound crazy to me. Who wouldn’t want success? But when you break down what success really MEANS, it’s easier to understand why we might sabotage ourselves, keeping ourselves from actually achieving it. With success comes more responsibility, time commitment, and oftentimes, leadership. The fear creeps in when we ask ourselves: What if I lose my freedom? What if I’m not a good leader? What if I fall on my face? And in terms of a successful relationship: What if I lose my freedom, my space, or my identity?
But why can’t we have the perfect relationship or the perfect job WITHOUT losing ourselves – our freedom, our space? I think we can have it all. The key is in the asking for what we want and becoming a vibrational match to it. If you want to manifest the perfect job that allows you freedom, live your life freely. Know how that feels. Be that feeling. Feel successful and free at the same time. There’s no law that says you have to lose your freedom in order to have success. But there is a law that says that like attracts like: The Law of Attraction. The same goes for relationships. If you want a certain type of partner, you have to BE the type of person you want to attract. It’s really that simple.
So instead of sabotaging ourselves by moving into fear of change and what the future might bring, my suggestion is to VISUALIZE exactly how you want your future to look like. But more importantly, how do you want it to FEEL?
Here’s what I like to do when fear takes a hold of me:
1. Take a quiet moment and connect within. Take a few deep breaths.
2. Visualize yourself having what you want. How does this make you feel? Do you feel excited, fearful, ALIVE? Now remember: fear, anxiety and excitement all feel very similar. So if you’re feeling anxious or fearful, see if you can change that feeling to excitement. This will shift you energetically and allow you to cut through the fear.
3. BREATH deeply and bring yourself back to the MOMENT. Acknowledge that all is OKAY.
4. Now VISUALIZE how you want your future to look like. Pay attention to how you feel. Do you feel FREE? Do you feel LOVE? Do you feel EXCITED? Take a few moments and connect the visual with the feeling. This way, when you think about the vision throughout the day, a feeling will automatically be connected to it. It’s the feeling that allows your dreams to manifest.
Now I challenge you to take a risk. Do one thing that will move you closer to fulfilling a dream or making a big change — even if it scares you to death. Actually, the scarier the better. Because the more we conquer our fears, the more we grow.
In honor of this, I’m going to sift through the pictures of available men, pick one out, take a leap and open my heart so wide it’ll create wings for me to fly. Now it’s your turn!
With Love, For the highest good…
xo, Christy Jacobs
**This blog was published on www.ThePennyFriends.com on July 25, 2011**
I think this is my favorite blog of yours so far. I certainly relate to the
fear. I like your challenge and I am thinking that through!