Most of us know it all too well. That stubborn side of us that crosses its arms, pouts in the corner and refuses to budge. That side of us that loudly exclaims, “No! I don’t wanna do it and you can’t make me!”
Yes, my dear friends — meet “Resistance.”
I’ve been re-aquainting myself with little Miss Resistance ever since I made the commitment to finish my book. She shows up EVERYWHERE. She follows me to the coffee shop, to the library, to the beach, even to the bathroom. Come on, can’t a girl have some peace??
So I decided to face her. She wasn’t going to leave. She’d made that quite clear.
“What the hell is up with you?!”
Maybe I could’ve been more gentle, but I was fed up. She was keeping me from finishing my book. She was keeping me STUCK. She was constantly putting “distractions” in front of me — anything to keep me from writing.
Confession: This weekend I watched 15 hours of Revenge. That’s when I knew I had a problem.
So, I asked her: “What the hell is up with you??? Why won’t you let me write?”
Miss Resistance: “I’m terrified.”
Not just afraid — terrified!
That’s when I realized the truth. This book is sort of a coming out for me. I’ve been in hiding for years — writing this blog in the safety of my own home, behind the wall of my computer. But my dream has been to write a book, and actually go out into the world and speak about it. I’m wise enough to know that you should be careful what you ask for — you might just get it. Miss Resistance was saying — “If you finish the book, once it’s “out there,” you can no longer stay in your cocoon– you’ll have to fly.” And even though that’s exactly what I’ve been asking for, it’s friggin’ scary!
Once I made the commitment to mySELF to finish the book, all my insecurities started coming up to keep me from moving forward. “What do you have to say anyway?? Who do you think you are, giving people advice on relationships??? What gives you the authority? Ha! You really think people are gonna read this junk? You think you’re so spiritual?! You think you’re FUNNY?” And on and on and on…
My ego would say ANYTHING to keep me from writing. Anything to keep me small. Anything to keep me in my so-called comfort zone.
As human beings, we are conditioned to stay in our comfort zone — no matter how painful that comfort zone is. Children have been known to hang onto a parent’s leg, screaming and crying not to be taken away — even though that parent has abused them for years. They’d rather stay with the pain that they’re comfortable with, the pain that they “know” and can count on, then go out into the unknown. Even if the “unknown” means a better life.
It’s not our fault, it’s our nature. But if we recognize that our resistance to change or growth is holding us back, we can push through it and rebirth ourSELVES into a better life — much like the caterpillar’s “apparent death,” leads him to reemerge as a butterfly.
Our EGO self wants us to stay small. It’s the ego’s voice of resistance that tricks us with fear and keeps us in situations that aren’t for our highest good — whether that be as damaging as an abusive relationship or as seemingly insignificant as not finishing a book.
As soon as I pinpointed WHY I was resisting — it was much easier to push through it. Now, instead of seeing my DEADline as a dark, looming, ever-torturing means to an end, I’m reframing it as a LIFEline (thank you, Melissa Lilly, for this awesome term!)– a bright, shiny, new, exciting beginning. I don’t know where this book will lead me, but I’m now just letting it flow. I’m enjoying the process of co-creation, without the worry or attachment to how it will turn out. My job is to write the book with joy, HUmor and wisdom and that’s it. The rest is up to the Universe. The rest is up to God. I’m surrendering the outcome for my highest good.
A lot of times when we challenge ourselves by embarking on new adventures — fear and resistance rear their ugly heads. This is for our growth. If we push through it, believe in ourSELVES, TRUST and SURRENDER, we’ll find ourselves in a much better place — a place where resistance turns to going with the flow. And trust me, it takes much less energy to flow with the current of the stream, than to painfully struggle UPSTREAM. So, as of now, I’m bidding good-bye to resistance, getting back in the water, and going with the flow.
With LOVE, for the highest good…